Bullying isn\u2019t \u201ckids being kids.\u201d Bullying happens when someone is repeatedly unkind or hurtful on purpose, especially when there\u2019s a power imbalance. Even the most supportive and attentive educators can\u2019t see everything, which means the students who witness bullying hold tremendous power. Bullying prevention starts with empowering students to be upstanders.<\/p>\n
In CoolSpeaker Dr. Laura Rizo\u2019s<\/a> research, teachers shared that students behaved better when social-emotional learning (SEL) was woven into the daily routine and when students felt seen, safe, and supported. When students feel emotionally safe, they\u2019re far more willing to speak up, help their peers, or seek assistance when something feels wrong.<\/p>\n Just like students grow in reading and math, they also grow socially and emotionally. And what we teach a 6-year-old about helping others looks very different from what a 16-year-old needs.<\/p>\n This blog, Dr. Rizo<\/a> breaks down developmentally appropriate strategies so every student can grow into an upstander, not a passive bystander who watches harm unfold, but a young person who chooses courage, kindness, and care.<\/p>\n Early elementary is where habits are formed. If we teach kindness, empathy, and simple ways to intervene now, those skills become a foundation for bullying prevention that carries into middle and high school. When students learn to be upstanders at this age, we\u2019re not just solving a moment; we\u2019re building a lifelong continuum of care.<\/p>\n This simple routine gives young children clear language and predictable steps. How it works:<\/p>\n Example:<\/strong> During 2nd-grade recess, two students exclude a classmate from a game. A peer walks over and says, \u201cStop. That\u2019s not kind. We can all play.\u201d The excluded classmate joins in, and the upstander later tells the teacher quietly what happened. This routine builds self-awareness, empathy, and early conflict resolution – SEL competencies that continue to develop throughout school.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Books give children a safe window into other people\u2019s emotions. This empathy is one of the most powerful bullying prevention tools. As a counselor, I often used children\u2019s literature to teach specific SEL competencies. How to do it:<\/p>\n Example:<\/strong> Reading Wonder helps students explore inclusion, kindness, and the impact of words. Students begin identifying helpers, naming emotions, and recognizing that their choices can protect someone else. Storytelling plants seeds of empathy that blossom as students mature.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Middle school is one of the most critical developmental stages for SEL. Students are navigating identity, belonging, social pressure, academic transitions, and emotional changes. They rely heavily on peer approval, which makes empowering them even more essential.<\/p>\n When we teach middle schoolers to be upstanders, we shape their identity: I\u2019m someone who helps. I don\u2019t let harm go unnoticed. This fosters responsible decision-making, one of the key emotional-intelligence competencies students need.<\/p>\n For bullying prevention among middle school students, they need options that are safe, comfortable, and context-appropriate. Four Upstander Moves:<\/p>\n Example:<\/strong> A 7th grader notices teasing in the hallway. Instead of confronting directly, they walk by and say, \u201cHey, Coach is looking for you!\u201d The bully leaves, and the student reports the incident to an adult later. These moves avoid putting students in danger while still interrupting harmful behavior. Students often fear being labeled tattletales or being targeted themselves, so giving them multiple options builds courage without increasing risk.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Middle schoolers learn best through practice. Role-play normalizes speaking up and helps them feel prepared. How to do it:<\/p>\n Example:<\/strong> A class role-plays a scenario where one student says, \u201cYou can\u2019t sit with us.\u201d Another student responds, \u201cActually, there\u2019s enough room. Come sit next to me.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Role-playing helps students step into the shoes of the bully, the victim, the bystander, and the upstander. They see the ripple effect of their silence and their courage. And yes, there is such a thing as positive peer pressure, especially for bullying prevention.<\/p>\n High schoolers are more like young adults than children. They\u2019re preparing for college, careers, and real-world decisions. Their school culture and how they treat one another will follow them into young adulthood.<\/p>\n Most school mission statements don\u2019t aim to produce only academically successful students; they aim to produce well-rounded humans. High school is the time to deepen upstander skills so students can lead and advocate long after graduation.<\/p>\n Students listen to peers more than anyone else. When students lead the movement, it works. What this looks like:<\/p>\n Example:<\/strong> A leadership group creates a \u201cKindness Week\u201d during Dating Violence Awareness Month, producing videos, posters, and short announcements highlighting how to speak up safely, especially in digital spaces. These teams help build campus culture around bullying prevention and students’ own real-world skills for college and beyond.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n By high school, bullying often shows up as social isolation, cyberbullying, rumor-spreading, and dating violence. Students must learn to intervene safely, even online, to have an effective impact on bullying prevention.<\/p>\n Example:<\/strong> A senior sees a harmful social-media post targeting a younger student. Instead of ignoring it, he comments, \u201cTake it down. That\u2019s not cool.\u201d His voice carries weight, and the post is removed.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Social courage is advocacy in action. It\u2019s teaching students to stand for what\u2019s right, even when the situation isn\u2019t easy.<\/p>\n Bullying prevention isn\u2019t just about stopping harmful behaviors; it\u2019s about building students\u2019 capacity to protect one another, advocate for themselves, and create communities of care.<\/p>\nElementary School: Bullying Prevention and Early Courage<\/h3>\n
Tip 1: Teach the STOP\u2013NAME\u2013TELL Routine<\/h5>\n
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Tip 2: Use Storytelling to Build Empathy<\/h5>\n
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Middle School: Strengthening Identity, Confidence, and Positive Peer Influence<\/h3>\n
Tip 1: Teach Multiple \u201cSafe Upstander Moves\u201d<\/h5>\n
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Tip 2: Practice Through Role-Playing<\/h5>\n
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High School: Developing Leadership, Advocacy, and Real-World Skills<\/h3>\n
Tip 1: Build Youth-Led, Adult-Supported Upstander Teams for Bullying Prevention<\/h5>\n
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Tip 2: Teach Social Courage<\/h5>\n
Upstanders Are Made, Not Born<\/h3>\n